Nalani Rae 

There I was leaning out the door of the car throwing up all over the garage. After countless days of feeling sick, and sleeping like a bear during hibernation I took the test that changed my life. 
Before I could even leave the bathroom, two lines displayed so clearly. Just then I knew, the life I had so comfortably lived was going to be flipped upside down in the best way possible. 

Like every expecting mother I was over the moon excited to find out I was pregnant. Maybe even more excited! My entire life I have always wanted a huge family with 11 kids, and dreamed of the day that I would start that. This was it, and this was that moment even only minutes after reading a positive pregnancy test my mind did a million things. 

The next few weeks I had just gone about my life normally. Family, friends, work, my boyfriend, church, and a social life. After confirming my appointment for my very first ultrasound I went into full on “mommy mode”. Everything that ran through my head morning noon and night was about my precious angel. What he or she would need, the morals I wanted to instill in my child, the culture, color schemes, and names I would give to either a baby boy or baby girl. 

I started to share my pregnancy with friends and family who I felt were important to carry into the next stages of my life. Most of the time this was over Mexican food! That was my cravings all the time. I wanted street tacos, guacamole, horchata all the time. 

At first I only saw life in shades of grey and powder blue! I was the only one who saw this though, everyone else saw princess pink. I searched day in and day out for the perfect stroller car seat combo. The best top of the line crib, wipe warmers, and breast pumps. 

Pinterest had all the things I could envision for my nursery, a gender reveal party, and baby shower at the tips of my fingers. So, many nights I stayed up crowding my mind with baby stuff. As a mommy to be there was nothing I didn’t look up. 

As excited as I was, my pregnancy was rough. I constantly had morning sickness that sometimes turned into afternoon sickness. Most of the time I was at work downing Sprite and eating crackers in my office between my constant trips to the bathroom. If I wasn’t throwing up I was sore. Everything hurt, everything was sensitive, and my already large boobs were getting bigger and giving me back pain. If not throwing up, or some form of pain, I was tired! I slept on my morning and afternoon breaks, and half of my lunch every day. I came home from work and climbed into bed for a nap, and hours after being up again could sleep anywhere. 

Day in and day out for the weeks to come I grew more and more excited of the life that I could share with my precious baby. 

At my very first ultrasound I couldn’t have been more anxious to sit there waiting to see my ob/gyn. After speaking to my doctor I waited again for an ultrasound tech. My doctor came back in and explained that I had an  experienced ultrasound technician  and a tech in training. The trainee squirted horribly cold gel all over my belly in a big circle. As she began moving around my belly I looked away. Fear of the unknown had hit me. 

“There’s your baby” were the words that had me in tears. 

I turned and looked at the monitor to see my little angel. That was the happiest moment of my life! A side profile in black and white of my future. I heard her (yes her) little faint heart beat, and the calming sounds of her moving around. It sounded just like waves. It was peaceful. It felt as if it were just me and her there! That was my happy place. 

I couldn’t wait every day from then on to hold my baby girl.

♡ B. Tehani LaRue 

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