You are missing from me

“Tu me manques”

Most days I am unsure of which pain is worse , the shock of what happened or the ache for what never will .

I can’t tell if it’s killing me or making me stronger .

I will never know what it is like to hold you on the outside.

Miscarriage is more than the loss of a baby. You’ll never understand that without being in that situation, and I don’t wish that on anyone. It’s the loss of a dream, a future, a relationship.

Miscarriage brings self doubt. You no longer trust your own body. During the early stages of my pregnancy I had high blood pressure and diabetes. So the issues with what my body did killed me.

I felt like I had failed.

The days that I was supposed to look forward to are now not apart of my future. The thoughts of the smile I will never wake up to make me cry.

I am not sure how to grieve. I lost a piece of myself, and what was left of me didn’t make sense.

My world was falling apart! My parents and siblings were 300 miles away, and my child’s father was no where to be found. The loss of my baby girl burns my heart and soul.

As much as it hurts I try to carry on. Holding tears in my eyes. Sometimes the selfishness inside of my own broken heart make me want to quit because the pain is too much to bear.

I just wanted the chance to show you the beauty of the world and see the sparkle in your eyes.

♡ B. Tehani LaRue

“Grief is like the ocean, it comes in waves, ebbing and flowing. Sometimes the water is calm, and sometimes it is overwhelming. All we can learn to do is swim.”

– Vicki Harrison

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