Hurt people, hurt people

Under no circumstances should one broken and hurt person ever run to another broken and hurt person for covering. It’s dangerous and extremely unhealthy.

You don’t come into something a half person. Most people think you bring half and I bring half and we can be one, NO! I have in my past also thought that same thing, and now I know better. When you know better you do better! Doing better for me now means that I, myself will be a whole person already only allowing another whole person into my life. It takes team work to make the dream work and my team can not be one and a half people.

There are a lot of things that don’t work when dating a half a person. Your communication, intimacy, and connecting on any level is difficult and…sucks! In a more visual sense communication is like a two legged race. If you and the person you’re tied to (dating, married to, etc.) don’t communicate effectively you’ll go nowhere, or one of you will be miserably dragged around to the finish line. When you commit to someone that tie represents trust, time, money, personal space, and anything you once considered “yours”. All things you need to effectively be able to communicate about to make a situation with another person work.

If you think about the disconnect between two people or a break up as very mild forms of divorce things get more serious. Although dating is necessary to gain life experience and grow as a person, you don’t go from one person to another without self growth. If you do the same cycles repeat themselves and become a monstrous black hole. Taking time for yourself while honestly reflecting promotes self improvement and healthy personal growth.

Don’t get me wrong, I was that toxic dater. I went from one serious relationship to another, and one more before finally finding myself in the situation that broke me. There will come different times in life where you will have epiphanies. I have finally had mine about dating, and the last person I dated was the straw that broke the camels back.

Jacob and I had been casually talking for about a week or so before we really had a heart to heart conversation that really had me “in” when I should have been “out”. We were completely transparent and vulnerable with each other and I had very quickly learned that the man who stood before me was much less whole than he appeared, like myself. From that point on we had 100% of each other undivided attention whether we were with each other physically or not.

As much as we clicked, we didn’t. We leached onto each other from the very begining as if there wasn’t another person of the opposite sex to exist on Earth. We went from being with each other all the time and in constant communication by facetime, phone calls, texts, and social networks when we weren’t together to actually living together extremely fast. All the things we had despised about eachother now lay in the same bed when the sun came up each morning and set each night. Don’t get me wrong James is a great person who I cared for deeply, but we should not have been together trying to make things work without working on ourselves and working through our own pain first. There are many areas of life where another person could benefit you as a partner and a helpmate through life, but only when it’s time. You can’t rush or force that.

The reality of living with someone is that it’s less like a fairytale than most people think. It’s slammed doors and harsh words out of anger and frustration. It’s wondering if you’ve made the right decision. It’s coming home to the same person after a night out that made you need the night out. It’s having an emotional breakdown in one room while the other person sits in the other room listening to it happen. It’s countless fights about absolutely nothing, no seriously nothing (like why the Ps4 controller was always dead).

You do all of these things to another person that tears them down without even noticing it because you’re torn yourself. Hurt people, hurt people!! You know no better so you can give no better. Pouring from an empty cup is toxic. I hurt someone that I cared about in more ways than I am proud to admit. Looking back I am sad to have had to go through what I did to reach where I am in my understanding of dating, and especially sad that I had to take someone else with me along the final leg of my journey.

Let yourself grow

Let your heart heal

♡ B. Tehani LaRue

 

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