The butterflies in my stomach

The butterflies in my stomach have never left me throughout the many trials and tribulations of 2016. Happiness, anger, regret, love, and every other mixture of emotions have passed through me this year. With every moment during each emotion the butterflies in my stomach never left. The soft flutters I felt with happiness and love, opposite the rapid intense flutters I felt in times of  I felt in times of regret leaving me feeling empty. 
It seems as if my year was destined to be dark and trying from the beginning. 

During the earliest dark times of 2016 I wanted nothing more than to disappear. I found myself so lost in my own poor decision making, and living out the reprocussions of those decisions. There’s nothing I wanted more than to be as okay as I pretended to be on the outside , on the inside. I grew, I learned, I endured…I was blooming from the wounds that once made me bleed. 

Leaving Vegas and going back to my family caused me many nights of confusion. Nights where I stayed up because my heart and head battled each other. Butterflies fluttered in my stomach with happiness and love because my family is everything. Being exactly where I am now is where I NEED to be, but alongside those butterflies in my stomach were others that fluttered with anxiousness. The anxiety of leaving my comfort levels, my habits, and my addictions in the city of sin. 

In more instances than I have space to write I felt love and happiness fluttering inside me. For myself, and for those around me who bettered themselves and continued to make great achievements and advancements in their lives. 

2016 has kept me busy. Sometimes working harder to overcome life’s battles than I really wanted to work, but all towards becoming a better me, the best me. 

Learning not to feed into my temptations helped to ease my anxiety and start to re make a home in Arizona for my future. I look forward to 2017 as I continue to build for myself. 

I set myself back, and re set myself up…for the come up. 

 ♡ B. Tehani LaRue

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